In the past six weeks I have not:
Driven a car
Cooked a meal in a kitchen
Eaten at "normal" fast food
Lived by myself
Had the freedom to do whatever I want when I want
Seen my cats
Seen my family or friends
In the past six weeks I have:
Ridden BART
Ridden Muni
"Cooked" Ramen Noodles in the microwave
Eaten at over 7 different ethnic restaurants
Experienced different foods and cultures
Seen the joy of people on the streets with their pets (dogs mostly)
Had roommates
Made new friends and family
Been stretched and pushed outside my comfort zone
Talked to homeless
Fed the needy
Met Jesus- several times
Saw God at work in the city of San Francisco in the lives of people, ministries, and myself
The list of thing that I have experienced over the past six weeks far outweighs the things I have not. As much as I missed my family and friends (and cats), missed driving, missed having a sense of personal space, missed being able to pick up and go wherever whenever... I can't imagine all the things I would have missed if I would have allowed this opportunity to pass me by. I would have missed meeting people like "Scottage Cheese" and Michael. I wouldn't have had the pleasure and honor of living with and getting to know my two (three) amazing roommates. I wouldn't have been given the opportunity to reach out to the many people and organizations that I was able to work with. I made some great and amazing friends over the course of my six week sojourn in San Francisco and the bay area. Words can't express how much I love and enjoyed working with everyone: Amanda, Rabekka, Stephanie, Tara, Andy, Heidi. And a shoutout to my boys in the warehouse of San Fran Food Bank!!! =)
You all served a great and amazing role in my experiences with CSM and I will never forget late nite sing-a-longs to Miley Cyrus (or some other Disney phenomenon), trips to Chinatown, prank texts, getting lost in SF, making nice and cuddling under a blanket with Lucy while watching Finding Nemo, and heartfelt words of encouragement from my new family. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your lives and for taking part in mine.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
A Divine Appointment At McDonald's
So, this blog is coming a couple of days too late, but it's been a super long week, and this is my first moment of some solitude to be able to put these thoughts down... so here you go:
On Wednesday my group did Meet A Need on Haight Street. Normally this is an activity that I do not participate in, so per usual I just roamed around trying to kill some time. About an hour into our 2.5 hour activity, two of the guys who were in their own group came up to me on the street and told me that they were done. They had met someone, talked to him for about an hour, and met his need of a meal, and spent all but 14 cents of their money. So, we were just hanging out at the corner of Haight and Stanyan on a bench across from a McDonald's. after sitting there for about a half an hour, I told them that we were going to McDonald's. Truth is, I don't know why (well, now I do) and I don't even like McDonald's, but I didn't want to sit out on the street anymore, and I figured we could do something productive in there anyway. So, we found a table, and the three of us were just sitting, chatting... me asking questions, them answering; when all of a sudden...
A man came up to our table asking for some money to buy food. Now here is where I slipped up a little... first of all, one of our rules to the students during orientation is "DON'T GIVE MONEY TO PEOPLE!!!!!" If they seem in need direct them to an organization or help them in some other way, but under no circumstances do you give them money... BAM- Fail... I pulled two dollars out of my pocket and handed it to him. What's worse and sort of embarrassing about this is that I did exactly what we encourage people not to do- throw money and people and run. BAM- Fail... that's exactly what I did... gave him the money and let him be on his way. Didn't get his name, didn't get his story, didn't find out more about what he really needed, just gave him the money and let him walk away. I should of felt good, I mean, I gave the guy money, helped him out, whatever... but what a HORRIBLE example I was to these two students I was trying to minister to.
During the course of my conversation with the students, after the exchange between the gentleman and myself, I noticed out of the corner of my eye, that he was sitting at the table a little ways away from us eating some food. Now I'll be honest, I'm ashamed to say that I was kind of relieved that he used the money I gave him to buy food and not drugs or alcohol or something like that... And what's that about!?!?!?!? At what point in my life did I become so cynical about people in need? I've spent the past six weeks working on the streets, with ministry organizations that give people the benefit of the doubt... I mean, good grief! Isn't that what Jesus did? He challenged them and their thinking, yes, but never once did he come to condemn them... ugh... anyway... (The story gets better, I promise)
After I notice that this gentleman is sitting so close to us, and since there was a lull in the conversation I get up and go sit at the table with the gentleman and just start talking to him. I asked him how he was doing, and he said that he was still a little hungry, but otherwise okay. So, I got up, went to the counter, and bought him two more hamburgers and a bottle of water. I also found out that he's diabetic, because I asked him if he liked cookies and he told me he couldn't have them. (It's amazing what a conversation with someone will teach you...) So, I got the food, brought it back to the table, and while he ate, we talked. His name is Michael. He was born and raised in West Oakland, but has lived all over the country. He is currently in a 12 step program, been sober for a little while now (gave him a high five for that one). He's 54, never been married, no kids, has cousins and friends living in the Haight-Ashbury District, but he hasn't seen them in about 15-20 years. Was excited to hear that I was from Indiana, apparently the whole Jackson family is from there... (didn't know that!). As he ate, I could sense that conversation is what he longed for. At what point do we reach a sense of humility that we are willing to ask people for help?
We do another activity where students are given two dollars each and told to go find food for lunch for themselves and one other person. The students are in groups of 4-5 so they will pool their money, buy stuff for sandwiches and do lunch that way because it's the most cost effective and will feed the whole group and then some. But I've heard story after story about them coming up just short of what they wanted to buy, but instead of having to put something back, or make a different choice, they are shown grace by the people at the markets and they let them have it anyway. And every response has been that it's so humbling to know that you have the money but don't have access to it, so you have to accept charity from someone. Do you know what charity means? "generous actions or donations to aid the poor, ill, or helpless" every definition I come across implies need of some sort. And to admit that you are in need of something, be it money, housing, food, clothing, help paying bills, a hug, a friend, whatever is a hugely humbling experience. So most of us don't do it. I admire those who can, but I know that for me, to get to a place where I ask for help is a very low place for me. But the truth is, I do need help. I can't live life on my own, and heaven knows I don't want to... anyway...
My story ends with two other students from my group coming and joining my conversation with Michael. We closed our time together and I asked him if there was anything I could pray for him about. He asked that we pray for high spirits for him. Wow... what a request. High spirits. I love it! So we did... before we left the table I asked him if there was anything else he needed. He said he didn't have enough money to get home. I asked him how much bus fare or a BART ticket would be and he said about 3-4 bucks. So I pulled out my "change sock" and gave him all the change I had (way to go, Mandie... broke the rules again). But if I've learned anything from Jesus, it's that "rules" never got in the way of loving his neighbor, or enemy, or friend, he just did it, whatever means necessary. I learned humility from a man named Michael, and a savior named Jesus... and it was the greatest moment from my California Adventure.
On Wednesday my group did Meet A Need on Haight Street. Normally this is an activity that I do not participate in, so per usual I just roamed around trying to kill some time. About an hour into our 2.5 hour activity, two of the guys who were in their own group came up to me on the street and told me that they were done. They had met someone, talked to him for about an hour, and met his need of a meal, and spent all but 14 cents of their money. So, we were just hanging out at the corner of Haight and Stanyan on a bench across from a McDonald's. after sitting there for about a half an hour, I told them that we were going to McDonald's. Truth is, I don't know why (well, now I do) and I don't even like McDonald's, but I didn't want to sit out on the street anymore, and I figured we could do something productive in there anyway. So, we found a table, and the three of us were just sitting, chatting... me asking questions, them answering; when all of a sudden...
A man came up to our table asking for some money to buy food. Now here is where I slipped up a little... first of all, one of our rules to the students during orientation is "DON'T GIVE MONEY TO PEOPLE!!!!!" If they seem in need direct them to an organization or help them in some other way, but under no circumstances do you give them money... BAM- Fail... I pulled two dollars out of my pocket and handed it to him. What's worse and sort of embarrassing about this is that I did exactly what we encourage people not to do- throw money and people and run. BAM- Fail... that's exactly what I did... gave him the money and let him be on his way. Didn't get his name, didn't get his story, didn't find out more about what he really needed, just gave him the money and let him walk away. I should of felt good, I mean, I gave the guy money, helped him out, whatever... but what a HORRIBLE example I was to these two students I was trying to minister to.
During the course of my conversation with the students, after the exchange between the gentleman and myself, I noticed out of the corner of my eye, that he was sitting at the table a little ways away from us eating some food. Now I'll be honest, I'm ashamed to say that I was kind of relieved that he used the money I gave him to buy food and not drugs or alcohol or something like that... And what's that about!?!?!?!? At what point in my life did I become so cynical about people in need? I've spent the past six weeks working on the streets, with ministry organizations that give people the benefit of the doubt... I mean, good grief! Isn't that what Jesus did? He challenged them and their thinking, yes, but never once did he come to condemn them... ugh... anyway... (The story gets better, I promise)
After I notice that this gentleman is sitting so close to us, and since there was a lull in the conversation I get up and go sit at the table with the gentleman and just start talking to him. I asked him how he was doing, and he said that he was still a little hungry, but otherwise okay. So, I got up, went to the counter, and bought him two more hamburgers and a bottle of water. I also found out that he's diabetic, because I asked him if he liked cookies and he told me he couldn't have them. (It's amazing what a conversation with someone will teach you...) So, I got the food, brought it back to the table, and while he ate, we talked. His name is Michael. He was born and raised in West Oakland, but has lived all over the country. He is currently in a 12 step program, been sober for a little while now (gave him a high five for that one). He's 54, never been married, no kids, has cousins and friends living in the Haight-Ashbury District, but he hasn't seen them in about 15-20 years. Was excited to hear that I was from Indiana, apparently the whole Jackson family is from there... (didn't know that!). As he ate, I could sense that conversation is what he longed for. At what point do we reach a sense of humility that we are willing to ask people for help?
We do another activity where students are given two dollars each and told to go find food for lunch for themselves and one other person. The students are in groups of 4-5 so they will pool their money, buy stuff for sandwiches and do lunch that way because it's the most cost effective and will feed the whole group and then some. But I've heard story after story about them coming up just short of what they wanted to buy, but instead of having to put something back, or make a different choice, they are shown grace by the people at the markets and they let them have it anyway. And every response has been that it's so humbling to know that you have the money but don't have access to it, so you have to accept charity from someone. Do you know what charity means? "generous actions or donations to aid the poor, ill, or helpless" every definition I come across implies need of some sort. And to admit that you are in need of something, be it money, housing, food, clothing, help paying bills, a hug, a friend, whatever is a hugely humbling experience. So most of us don't do it. I admire those who can, but I know that for me, to get to a place where I ask for help is a very low place for me. But the truth is, I do need help. I can't live life on my own, and heaven knows I don't want to... anyway...
My story ends with two other students from my group coming and joining my conversation with Michael. We closed our time together and I asked him if there was anything I could pray for him about. He asked that we pray for high spirits for him. Wow... what a request. High spirits. I love it! So we did... before we left the table I asked him if there was anything else he needed. He said he didn't have enough money to get home. I asked him how much bus fare or a BART ticket would be and he said about 3-4 bucks. So I pulled out my "change sock" and gave him all the change I had (way to go, Mandie... broke the rules again). But if I've learned anything from Jesus, it's that "rules" never got in the way of loving his neighbor, or enemy, or friend, he just did it, whatever means necessary. I learned humility from a man named Michael, and a savior named Jesus... and it was the greatest moment from my California Adventure.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
New Day, New Things
Today was a day of new experiences... for starters we welcomed a new group yesterday so today was our first day of being together at ministry sites and working. This also brought about a new experience because this was my first time to visit the particular site we worked with. We went to the Salvation Army Service Center in the morning, and this was in and of itself an interesting experience. We started our time there in two separate groups: I was with the group that was sorting clothing, and the other half of the group sorted through boxes of toys. The ironic thing about the way the volunteer coordinator split up the group was that he put two guys and a girl in the group sorting toys, and me, the other girl, one guy and the male leader in charge of sorting the clothing. Did I mention we were sorting women's clothing? Yeah... that made it particularly interesting. We basically took huge bins of women's clothing and sorted it into sizes. Now many of these were items that the tags had been ripped out of, so they were without the official sizes in them. For us girls, this wasn't a huge problem, we just eyeballed it, and determined size and put them in their respective locations... for the guys however this was nothing short of hilarious. We finally determined that the best way to help them figure out sizes was to put it into a perspective they could understand. If it would fit him, it was a large... if it would fit his brother, it was a small... anything in between was a medium. This escapade got even more humorous considering that 85% of the clothes he pulled out of the bin he was working on was a tube top, or some form of strapless dress... oh yeah... it was great! and hilarious!
Once we completed our time in this area, we took a break, then resumed working with new positions. We took bottles of lotion, like the trial size ones found in hotel rooms, and combined them to make sure the bottles are full. We would then clean off the outside to make sure they looked brand new, then we put them in a bin that would later be sorted and combined for hygiene kits for distribution at a later time. It was tedious and at moments frustrating (like when a broken bottle disintegrated and exploded all over me), but in the end it was great to know that we were doing work that would eventually help people in the end. Big picture projects and ministry sites are cool because it's nice to know that despite the fact that we don't (and probably never will) see the people this is impacting, we are a part of something much bigger than ourselves... and isn't that kind of the point?
This afternoon was bittersweet as we went to the Bay Area Rescue Mission and played with kids... I was able to spend some time playing with my little friend Elisha and also spent some time reading Berenstain Bear Books... should I be embarrassed to say that I was reading those by myself, and not with a little buddy?! OH well... anyway... it was bittersweet in the sense that I realized this will be the last time I'll be physically hanging out with those kids, playing pool with them, joking with them, or anything like that. And as excited as I am to see my family, my cats, my friends, etc... It's sad to know that my California Adventure has almost come to an end.
Once we completed our time in this area, we took a break, then resumed working with new positions. We took bottles of lotion, like the trial size ones found in hotel rooms, and combined them to make sure the bottles are full. We would then clean off the outside to make sure they looked brand new, then we put them in a bin that would later be sorted and combined for hygiene kits for distribution at a later time. It was tedious and at moments frustrating (like when a broken bottle disintegrated and exploded all over me), but in the end it was great to know that we were doing work that would eventually help people in the end. Big picture projects and ministry sites are cool because it's nice to know that despite the fact that we don't (and probably never will) see the people this is impacting, we are a part of something much bigger than ourselves... and isn't that kind of the point?
This afternoon was bittersweet as we went to the Bay Area Rescue Mission and played with kids... I was able to spend some time playing with my little friend Elisha and also spent some time reading Berenstain Bear Books... should I be embarrassed to say that I was reading those by myself, and not with a little buddy?! OH well... anyway... it was bittersweet in the sense that I realized this will be the last time I'll be physically hanging out with those kids, playing pool with them, joking with them, or anything like that. And as excited as I am to see my family, my cats, my friends, etc... It's sad to know that my California Adventure has almost come to an end.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Blah, Blah, Blog
So, it's been a few days since my last blog, with good reason. There's very little to blog about presently. I had Saturday off, so I went on an adventure around Oakland... actually I left my cell phone charger at our other housing site (Harbor House), so I needed to walk over there and get it. So, one of my roommates and I decided to make an epic adventure of it. We left the house around 2:30 PM and didn't arrive back home until almost 9:00 PM. Harbor House is 2.1 miles away from BACC, and then we also decided it would be super fun to walk around Lake Merritt... so we did. ALL THE WAY AROUND: 3 miles, to be exact. So, during the course of a day, we walked about 6-7 miles... but it was a lot of fun. I learned how to play cribbage, roommate and I rented a couple of movies (gotta love Redbox!) and I had an awesome day taking pictures and enjoying God's beautiful nature, smack dab in the middle of Oakland, CA.
Today, I am waiting in eager anticipation of my next, and final group. It's kind of bittersweet. I'm stoked to go home and see my cats, my family, my friends... but I'm also sad to leave this life, San Francisco, Oakland, my new friends, behind. One question I asked last week, and a question that I like asking people because it's hard, is: If you could describe yourself in one word, what would it be? Right now my answer would be "searching". I'm in the midst of an awesome and terrifying time of my life. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing, or where I'm supposed to be doing it... I don't know what my ministry for the kingdom is supposed to look like... but I do know this: right now, for the moment: I'm right where I'm supposed to be. And that's how I like it. It's nice to know that amidst the uncertainty of life, one this is certain: my God is in control, and little by little He's revealing little things about Himself, and myself to me. It's like one of those pictures in a picture, where the little individual pictures make up a bigger picture of Mickey Mouse or something like that. Right now I'm seeing bits and pieces of the smaller pictures, but I don't know what the bigger picture is yet... but that's okay. I'm learning. And I'm terribly grateful to a God who is insanely patient with me through it all.
Today, I am waiting in eager anticipation of my next, and final group. It's kind of bittersweet. I'm stoked to go home and see my cats, my family, my friends... but I'm also sad to leave this life, San Francisco, Oakland, my new friends, behind. One question I asked last week, and a question that I like asking people because it's hard, is: If you could describe yourself in one word, what would it be? Right now my answer would be "searching". I'm in the midst of an awesome and terrifying time of my life. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing, or where I'm supposed to be doing it... I don't know what my ministry for the kingdom is supposed to look like... but I do know this: right now, for the moment: I'm right where I'm supposed to be. And that's how I like it. It's nice to know that amidst the uncertainty of life, one this is certain: my God is in control, and little by little He's revealing little things about Himself, and myself to me. It's like one of those pictures in a picture, where the little individual pictures make up a bigger picture of Mickey Mouse or something like that. Right now I'm seeing bits and pieces of the smaller pictures, but I don't know what the bigger picture is yet... but that's okay. I'm learning. And I'm terribly grateful to a God who is insanely patient with me through it all.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Long Time No See...
Sorry it's been so long since my last blog. I was staying at our other housing site, Harbor House and had little/no internet access and to be honest, I was a little depressed last week so I tried to soak up every bit of sleep I could sink my teeth into. Now before anyone who may or may not read this will or will not get offended I want to make it perfectly clear that I absolutely loved the group I just served with. We parted ways this afternoon after spending some off time in the city of San Fran, hanging out and eating lunch. In a lot of ways this was one of the hardest groups to say goodbye to. I've made some really great bonds with people over the last few weeks and I've seen different changes in each group, but this group was very different. Not only did I see life change in the students (and adults) that I worked with this week, but I was able to look inside myself and see some things too.
One thing to understand about this job, and maybe that I sort of just realized is that it's not about me. Growing up an only child and being me I've found this a hard realization. Not that I was parading around in front of my groups like it was all about me, but it really didn't sink in until this week. My job is to slip in unnoticed. My job is to make sure things are running so smoothly that I just kind of fade into the background- and I'm kind of okay with that. Being able to step back, observe and later hear stories about the happenings around the city and the decisions being made by high school students on how they choose to change the world they've been thrown into for a week is amazing. But I also came to the realization that by not having an outlet to pour my thoughts and observations into has caused me to have a bit of a breakdown. Not a huge one, but enough of one that had it continued on much longer I wouldn't have been able to finish out my week.
I've had a lot personally going on this week. I'm coming into the last stretch of the game, and it's almost over, but I've still got one more week left and this in and of itself brings about some excitement, sadness, and frustration. It's almost as if I'm just starting to get the swing of things and now it's over... and here's what I think: That's a good thing. I've lived my life comfortably for so long that as much as it pains me, I'm stoked for the change and uncomfortableness that the next few weeks/months/year will bring me. I still have a ton of unanswered questions about what life is going to look like past April 23rd. I also have some unanswered questions about what life is going to look like this summer, and even the fall. And while that terrifies me, it excites me too.
I learned something else about myself this week. See, I was co-hosting with my awesome boss, Andy (are you reading this...) and what this meant was I lived "alone" for a week. Because Andy came in the mornings, grabbed his group, did their thing, met up with my half of the group for dinner, and then he went home to sleep in his own bed. I went "home" to my little room void of anyone but me, myself, and I. Which is awesome and awful all at once. I've been on my own for so long that I forgot what community was like. Yes, I had my group and got to hang out with them everyday and at night, but at the end of it all I had no one. I've become accustomed to coming home to one or two girls that I can kind of debrief my night with, but this week I didn't have that. I didn't even have computer access to debrief my thoughts with the few of you that may read this. I was alone to wallow in the dark and my own thoughts, and that's kind of a scary place. I'm continuing to understand why God felt like it wasn't good for man to be alone. We're meant for relationships and while I had those to some extent this week, I lacked them in other ways. So I gained greater appreciation this week about my personal need and desire for community in my life. So thank you to those of my friends who help force community on me, because sometimes I can get so caught up in my hermetic lifestyle that I completely forget how much I need and desire you to be there.
So here's what I learned about God this week: He's awesome (given). And although I knew this, and have known it for quite sometime He felt the need to remind me; and for that I'm very grateful. He reminded me that He's always there, and always listening. I had some amazing God moments this week and I'd like to share them with you. I'm grateful for a God who is big enough to love and care for the whole world, and yet small enough to answer even the "tiniest" prayers. I was out with my group this week in Little Italy and we were meeting the other half of our group to go get gelato. The other half of the group had already arrived and were headed into the "gelato parlor" to order and get seats, while we were still circling block after block looking for a parking spot. We happened to drive by the group while they were at a crosswalk and we asked where they parked and they said they paid to park in a lot. We really hated to pay even more money to park in a lot for the limited amount of time we'd be in the store getting gelato so we decided to give it more time and circled around some more- but there was nothing. At this point we decide to drop the students and other leader off to go in and order and I would stay with the driver to give it another shot. The driver just said a quick prayer aloud, "God, please help us to find a parking spot soon". We no more than turned down the next street and a group of people was getting into their vehicle to pull out and leave. What's even more, we were in a 15 passenger van, with "dulies" and the spot was plenty big for us. It was only a couple of blocks away and we were able to get in before the rest of our group had even ordered. God thing!
Another way God showed me that He's here and listening is regarding a personal thing. I was looking for some temporary employment between my spring internship with CSM and my summer internship with EM. At the time, when I left my old job things were somewhat promising, but after some email and phone conversations with them things were looking less and less promising. So I sent a message to a bunch of my prayer warriors and friends asking for their prayers as I really needed this to come through and work out to help save money and take care of expenses before embarking on my summer adventure and no more than a couple of hours after I sent out that message I got an email from my old work saying "definitely plan on coming back to work on April 19th"!!!!! As if my California adventure wasn't enough proof that God is alive and well and listening to and answering prayer He felt like I needed to be reminded. And I did.
Thank you so much to everyone out there who is praying for me and loving on me and supporting me in every way you are. Truth is, I would have had a far worse breakdown much sooner if you weren't always there for me. I know this blog had very little information regarding what activities we did, etc, etc... but this is what was on my heart today so I wanted to share it with you.
One thing to understand about this job, and maybe that I sort of just realized is that it's not about me. Growing up an only child and being me I've found this a hard realization. Not that I was parading around in front of my groups like it was all about me, but it really didn't sink in until this week. My job is to slip in unnoticed. My job is to make sure things are running so smoothly that I just kind of fade into the background- and I'm kind of okay with that. Being able to step back, observe and later hear stories about the happenings around the city and the decisions being made by high school students on how they choose to change the world they've been thrown into for a week is amazing. But I also came to the realization that by not having an outlet to pour my thoughts and observations into has caused me to have a bit of a breakdown. Not a huge one, but enough of one that had it continued on much longer I wouldn't have been able to finish out my week.
I've had a lot personally going on this week. I'm coming into the last stretch of the game, and it's almost over, but I've still got one more week left and this in and of itself brings about some excitement, sadness, and frustration. It's almost as if I'm just starting to get the swing of things and now it's over... and here's what I think: That's a good thing. I've lived my life comfortably for so long that as much as it pains me, I'm stoked for the change and uncomfortableness that the next few weeks/months/year will bring me. I still have a ton of unanswered questions about what life is going to look like past April 23rd. I also have some unanswered questions about what life is going to look like this summer, and even the fall. And while that terrifies me, it excites me too.
I learned something else about myself this week. See, I was co-hosting with my awesome boss, Andy (are you reading this...) and what this meant was I lived "alone" for a week. Because Andy came in the mornings, grabbed his group, did their thing, met up with my half of the group for dinner, and then he went home to sleep in his own bed. I went "home" to my little room void of anyone but me, myself, and I. Which is awesome and awful all at once. I've been on my own for so long that I forgot what community was like. Yes, I had my group and got to hang out with them everyday and at night, but at the end of it all I had no one. I've become accustomed to coming home to one or two girls that I can kind of debrief my night with, but this week I didn't have that. I didn't even have computer access to debrief my thoughts with the few of you that may read this. I was alone to wallow in the dark and my own thoughts, and that's kind of a scary place. I'm continuing to understand why God felt like it wasn't good for man to be alone. We're meant for relationships and while I had those to some extent this week, I lacked them in other ways. So I gained greater appreciation this week about my personal need and desire for community in my life. So thank you to those of my friends who help force community on me, because sometimes I can get so caught up in my hermetic lifestyle that I completely forget how much I need and desire you to be there.
So here's what I learned about God this week: He's awesome (given). And although I knew this, and have known it for quite sometime He felt the need to remind me; and for that I'm very grateful. He reminded me that He's always there, and always listening. I had some amazing God moments this week and I'd like to share them with you. I'm grateful for a God who is big enough to love and care for the whole world, and yet small enough to answer even the "tiniest" prayers. I was out with my group this week in Little Italy and we were meeting the other half of our group to go get gelato. The other half of the group had already arrived and were headed into the "gelato parlor" to order and get seats, while we were still circling block after block looking for a parking spot. We happened to drive by the group while they were at a crosswalk and we asked where they parked and they said they paid to park in a lot. We really hated to pay even more money to park in a lot for the limited amount of time we'd be in the store getting gelato so we decided to give it more time and circled around some more- but there was nothing. At this point we decide to drop the students and other leader off to go in and order and I would stay with the driver to give it another shot. The driver just said a quick prayer aloud, "God, please help us to find a parking spot soon". We no more than turned down the next street and a group of people was getting into their vehicle to pull out and leave. What's even more, we were in a 15 passenger van, with "dulies" and the spot was plenty big for us. It was only a couple of blocks away and we were able to get in before the rest of our group had even ordered. God thing!
Another way God showed me that He's here and listening is regarding a personal thing. I was looking for some temporary employment between my spring internship with CSM and my summer internship with EM. At the time, when I left my old job things were somewhat promising, but after some email and phone conversations with them things were looking less and less promising. So I sent a message to a bunch of my prayer warriors and friends asking for their prayers as I really needed this to come through and work out to help save money and take care of expenses before embarking on my summer adventure and no more than a couple of hours after I sent out that message I got an email from my old work saying "definitely plan on coming back to work on April 19th"!!!!! As if my California adventure wasn't enough proof that God is alive and well and listening to and answering prayer He felt like I needed to be reminded. And I did.
Thank you so much to everyone out there who is praying for me and loving on me and supporting me in every way you are. Truth is, I would have had a far worse breakdown much sooner if you weren't always there for me. I know this blog had very little information regarding what activities we did, etc, etc... but this is what was on my heart today so I wanted to share it with you.
Monday, April 5, 2010
So, here's the thing...
This week has brought about many things... a new group arrived yesterday, we greeted them with open arms at Harbor House- that's correct, I'm back at Harbor House, the scene of the crime that stole my voice and gave me a cough only life-long smokers dream of having. Also, the location without (much) internet accessibility. Nevertheless... a new group has arrived and yesterday we got through the prayer tour unscathed, and each of us (myself included) with a new perspective of the city. Ultimately this is the objective of the prayer tour- to take you on a behind the scenes look of the city that you are about to serve in. For me, this is my sixth (or so) prayer tour, and each time I'm finding it harder and harder to give. I know the stats, I know the locations, I know the neighborhoods, I've given the prayer tour so many times, and heard it even more. So for me it has kind of become old hat. But the truth is, God gave me fresh eyes last night; kind of like having a fresh, new group, besides the fact I've heard it tons of times, they haven't... and that's the point. I didn't hear any new information last night, I didn't have any huge revelations from God, but I was able to go into this prayer tour with a new mindset of understanding that this is their first time, they don't know if I forget something, they won't know if I say something too soon, too late, whatever... they just take what their told and experience it innocently- as being brand new.
Today we went to the San Francisco Food Bank... it was awesome. We were able to do so much stuff. We started by taking huge boxes of carrots and breaking them down into smaller boxes. This project started outside, but quickly was halted by the weather conditions that made our new group from Seattle feel very much at home. We then went inside to work on rice while they relocated our carrot endeavor to an empty project room. We rocked the rice. Then went on break. Then commenced with the carrotting. Then sang happy birthday to one of our project managers. Then worked on Capri Sun. It was so much fun, and such a great opportunity to see my group at work. They were great, and really worked with an attitude of service and spunk. They turned everything into a contest to see how many boxes of rice, or who could finish the big container of carrots first, and they did such mundane tasks as if they were doing it for the Lord... and guess what? They were...
The afternoon brought about a brand new activity that we've never done before called Future Friends. Each member of the group made two sack lunches and after we completed our work at SF Food Bank, we went to Golden Gate Park, found Sharon's Meadow and Hippie Hill and asked people if we could sit down and have lunch with them. I went with a group of three students, who were genuinely scared about having to approach strangers with a sack lunch and spend 1.5-2 hours talking to them, and we met some really cool people. They had some very bold opinions about a lot of things, but genuinely seemed to enjoy the company and allowed us to share not only our lunch, but shared a little of themselves with us too.
After we made our friends, we headed back to the Tenderloin and did a delivery route with POH. This is another great experience for groups to have because it opens their eyes to the realization of what many people of the Tenderloin call "home". After our route, we went to dinner... ETHIOPIAN!!!! (one of my favorites- it involves eating with our hands!!!!) And then we headed back to our housing site. This took longer than expected because someone gave the driver the wrong directions (Mandie) and so we ended up touring some interesting areas of Oakland. But during this "adventure" around Oakland, the driver started the students debriefing their day. He asked them what one word they would use to describe their day. It was a legitimate question, and the answers were really cool. "Interesting, Eye-Opening, Heart-breaking, Helpless, Freeing..." are some of the ones that really stuck out to me. I wonder how many times in a day we could describe our everyday life with one of these words. I'm sure there are several "heart-breaking" things that happen in a day, but do we bother to pay attention to them? Do we allow ourselves the opportunity to "debrief" our everyday lives? Life here isn't all poops and giggles. I have my blah days, my "uneventful" days. Some days just don't even seem worth "writing home" about. But why not? Why not value every day we're given? Who says you have to be working in a "ministry site" or a "church" or anything specific to be making a difference? You don't. I needed my world to be shaken up, and by golly it has been. I'm aware of more things that I ever could have dreamed or imagined, but when I look back at my "old life" in Indiana I had eventful things happen every (or almost every) day that I just glanced over. Took me dropping my life and moving to California to figure it out, but at least I did.
I found out that I'll be staying here in California for an extra week. I'm excited, sad, glad, nervous, anxious, giddy, etc... about this decision, but it's been made. I look forward to saying goodbye to a place that I never in a million years would have imagined that I would have ended up, but I also am looking forward to the things that God will choose to show me and teach me along the way.
Before I depart I have one question for you... In one word, how would you describe your day? I want to know.
Today we went to the San Francisco Food Bank... it was awesome. We were able to do so much stuff. We started by taking huge boxes of carrots and breaking them down into smaller boxes. This project started outside, but quickly was halted by the weather conditions that made our new group from Seattle feel very much at home. We then went inside to work on rice while they relocated our carrot endeavor to an empty project room. We rocked the rice. Then went on break. Then commenced with the carrotting. Then sang happy birthday to one of our project managers. Then worked on Capri Sun. It was so much fun, and such a great opportunity to see my group at work. They were great, and really worked with an attitude of service and spunk. They turned everything into a contest to see how many boxes of rice, or who could finish the big container of carrots first, and they did such mundane tasks as if they were doing it for the Lord... and guess what? They were...
The afternoon brought about a brand new activity that we've never done before called Future Friends. Each member of the group made two sack lunches and after we completed our work at SF Food Bank, we went to Golden Gate Park, found Sharon's Meadow and Hippie Hill and asked people if we could sit down and have lunch with them. I went with a group of three students, who were genuinely scared about having to approach strangers with a sack lunch and spend 1.5-2 hours talking to them, and we met some really cool people. They had some very bold opinions about a lot of things, but genuinely seemed to enjoy the company and allowed us to share not only our lunch, but shared a little of themselves with us too.
After we made our friends, we headed back to the Tenderloin and did a delivery route with POH. This is another great experience for groups to have because it opens their eyes to the realization of what many people of the Tenderloin call "home". After our route, we went to dinner... ETHIOPIAN!!!! (one of my favorites- it involves eating with our hands!!!!) And then we headed back to our housing site. This took longer than expected because someone gave the driver the wrong directions (Mandie) and so we ended up touring some interesting areas of Oakland. But during this "adventure" around Oakland, the driver started the students debriefing their day. He asked them what one word they would use to describe their day. It was a legitimate question, and the answers were really cool. "Interesting, Eye-Opening, Heart-breaking, Helpless, Freeing..." are some of the ones that really stuck out to me. I wonder how many times in a day we could describe our everyday life with one of these words. I'm sure there are several "heart-breaking" things that happen in a day, but do we bother to pay attention to them? Do we allow ourselves the opportunity to "debrief" our everyday lives? Life here isn't all poops and giggles. I have my blah days, my "uneventful" days. Some days just don't even seem worth "writing home" about. But why not? Why not value every day we're given? Who says you have to be working in a "ministry site" or a "church" or anything specific to be making a difference? You don't. I needed my world to be shaken up, and by golly it has been. I'm aware of more things that I ever could have dreamed or imagined, but when I look back at my "old life" in Indiana I had eventful things happen every (or almost every) day that I just glanced over. Took me dropping my life and moving to California to figure it out, but at least I did.
I found out that I'll be staying here in California for an extra week. I'm excited, sad, glad, nervous, anxious, giddy, etc... about this decision, but it's been made. I look forward to saying goodbye to a place that I never in a million years would have imagined that I would have ended up, but I also am looking forward to the things that God will choose to show me and teach me along the way.
Before I depart I have one question for you... In one word, how would you describe your day? I want to know.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Easter and Family
Today I've been thinking a lot about family. Easter had always been a celebration of life that has taken place with my family by my side. For as long as I can remember I've been packing up with my parents and going to my grandparents house to eat, play, and hang out with aunts, uncles, and cousins. Today will be the first time in forever that I am not able to spend time with my family. What this has also taught me is that family is so much more than flesh and blood. My family, though we're chosen at first are people that I choose to love and they choose to love me on a moment by moment basis. Family is also much broader to include people who may not share my name or my genes, but they are no less family. Family is offering me a place to stay when my lease runs out; family is inviting me over for pizza and a movie with your kids; family is a willingness to share your life with someone. Family is the church, and the church should be a family. Acts 2 states this very clearly. If I were to describe to you a group of people who ate together, worshipped together, shared everything, tell me that your first guess wouldn't be describing a family. The church is so much more than four walls and the word "church" in the title. That's the greatest lesson I've learned while on my California adventure. I have been called to serve and minister in God's church, but that may not translate to working in "a church". My family has taught me greater than anyone the idea of acceptance. Random people from my life have always been a part of "family gatherings". Pastors, friends, friends of family have always been invited to Easter, Christmas, Memorial Day- any time my family gets together there are more than just Marines there. And I love it. It's moments like this that I believe God rejoices and says, "They get it, they understand the true idea of the church." And I'm so glad that I have the privilege to be a part of it. My family has always been there for me and supported me, especially when something I wanted to do or felt called to do didn't make sense. They have always been there to offer advice, counsel, and a voice of reason, but in the end have always offered the support and love that is necessary for ministry to be successful. I thank you and love you for that.
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